Tag Archives: Humour

How Fox News Would Have Covered World History

David Kronke (Huffington Post):

The Revolutionary War

Glenn Beck:
Over in the New World, there’s a terrifying conspiracy afoot in which former British colonists are attempting to wrest themselves free of British rule. A few anarchists have the audacity to reject the right of Parliament to govern them – that’s right, anarchists, because if Parliament doesn’t control you, that’s what you have, anarchy! Not this so-called “independence!” Now, I know us and I don’t know them and what you don’t know can hurt you. This is a battle for the very heart of the Empire – (sniffles) – I’m sorry, but I just love the Throne so much. And I fear for it. That’s why I’ve started my 7/3 Project, because I want you to remember what you felt like on July 3, before the colonies declared their “independence” from the United Kingdom. Remember that spring in your step? That big, silly grin on your face because the buzzing in your head wasn’t quite as loud or as persistent as it usually is? Remember how gargoyles weren’t swooping from the Clock Tower and snatching up your kittens and dragging them into the Thames? Remember? There’s too much at stake here! It seems like this clarion call for freedom, these “special interests,” these gargoyles, they’re surrounding us. It’s intimidating. But you know what? Pull away the curtain! There isn’t anybody there! There isn’t even a curtain! It’s just a few militiamen and their voices are actually really weak, particularly from so far away. The truth is, they don’t surround us – we surround them. If we knew where they were, that is – apparently a lot of them live in the countryside, so they’re hard to keep track of. But we surround them metaphorically, which is almost as good.